


Icarus

by oceantears



Series: Icarus [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Hurt, M/M, Sirius is like Icarus, Unrequited Love, icarus - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 12:31:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15096782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceantears/pseuds/oceantears
Summary: There were five times Sirius fell.No one has ever told him about the beauty of the fall, About how addicting pain could be.About how much he'd give up just to feel loved by Remus.(You kiss him and you are so close to falling)





	Icarus

**Author's Note:**

> Written by me.  
> So this is the start of a new series and also a kind of weird writing style i hope you enjoy!  
> English isn't my first language, please point out where I made mistakes!

_Nobody had ever told him about the beauty of the fall._  
He had always been warned not to fly too high, climb too far, for he would burn his wings and tumble down, fall, fall, fall, burning; a beautiful display of pain and anguish – a warning and a promise at the same time. He would fall and he would land, _crash_ , on hard, sharp rocks, hurt and lost.  
That was all they had ever told him, - don’t reach too high, don’t try for something – someone – better, because you will fall. They had warned him about the fall, the pain of it, but no one had ever said how breathtaking the view would be as he tumbled, how much he would love it. Nobody had ever told him how addicting pain could be. 

 

_There were five times Sirius fell._

 

i  
You are seventeen and you are falling in love with one of your best friends. You feel like you’ve fallen for him before and like you’ll fall for him again and again and again and it frightens you.  
You feel a bit alone, like you’re flying high up in the empty sky, trying to keep your balance while also constantly trying to fly higher, but you’re inevitably falling a bit every time you try to rise, whenever you try to beat your wings hard enough to lift you a bit, oh just a little bit higher, you fall down again.

You’re in love with one of your friends and it’s horrible and exhilarating at the same time. You wish for that feeling to last forever and you wish for Remus to love you back, you wish that he’d look at you with the same expression on his face that you wear when you look at him.  
You know he won’t.

It feels good, being in love, but it also hurts. You’ve been in love with Remus for a while now, and you haven’t told anyone. You are sure that your wings would stop beating if you did because you know he’ll never love the way you do, and even now, when everything is still alright, it sometimes feels as if you were falling in the high, high skies, slowly losing balance, falling just a little every so often, because you’re alone and no one is there to help you.  
You know that you would fall if you ever told Remus of your feelings, and therefore you don’t. You keep them close to your heart and hope that your wings won’t give out.

_There once was a foolish boy who thought he had wings attached to his back. He thought that he could reach the sun, utmost happiness, if he just tried hard enough, just flew high enough. His name was Icarus and his tale is one full of despair._

ii  
The second time you fall no one is there to catch you.  
It’s late and you are drunk and so is he, and you’re on the astronomy tower with James and Peter, who are drunk as well, giggling, telling stories.  
You look at James who’s daydreaming (-nightdreaming?) about how beautiful Lily’s hair is, and you smile. You’re happy here, with your friends, feeling free and reckless.  
It’s a cool night but you don’t feel it, because you’re sitting next to Remus, Remus, who’s laughing along with Peter, Remus, whose hand is so, so close next to yours. You could touch it, hold it.  
You could fly.

You take another sip of fire whisky and inch your hand closer to his. Your wings are beating; your head is swimming with all the possibilities.  
Your fingers touch and you swear you can see the sun, you can feel it. You are so close to it, too close?  
Your fingers touch and there are sparks up your spine.

Your fingers touch and Remus pulls away, pulls his hand in his lap and answers some question James has asked but you don’t hear it. You don’t hear it over the frantic beating of your heart (wings?).  
You fall.

_Icarus spread his wings and took a hesitant step forward on his small rock in the middle of the sea. He spread his wings and lifted himself in the air gracefully, a picture of eternal beauty. His wings beat and he flew, flew towards the sun, oblivious to the small drizzle of wax on his back._

iii  
You don’t feel that way when you look at James or Peter, you realise.  
This clenching of your organs, your heart is only there when you look at Remus. He’s special.  
You feel like he will burn you.  
Remus is good, and he would never hurt you willingly but so many people have hurt you, willingly and unwillingly that you cannot be sure that Remus won’t do the same.  
Your heart lurches at that realisation, this small loss of the faith you put in him and in yourself.  
Your wings beat a little slower.

 _Icarus was warned by his father. He should not fly too high, and he tried, but the sun, the beautiful, burning sun was too big a temptation for this poor, innocent boy.  
He will fall._

 

iv  
You are so close to falling.  
Every time you look at him it feels as if he’ll burn you. He is beauty and you are simply you. You are in love with him.  
You hug him every time now you get the chance, for you need to be close to him, need to feel his breath close to your, need to hold him. You need to makes sure that he’s there with you.  
You don’t even notice how fast you’re falling (for him).

__

_Icarus strived after the sun. He got too close to the it, the wax of his fragile wings melting quicker and quicker but the foolish boy doesn’t notice, he’s so content in just being close to the thing he loves most in all the world that he doesn’t even notice that his wings start to burn and he begins to fall.  
He doesn’t notice until it’s too late._

v  
The fifth and last time you fall, you land almost immediately on the rocks, your spine shattered and your wings burnt to crisps.  
You kissed him.

You kissed him in your dorm when Peter and James were asleep, when even the moon hung low enough to not be disturbing. You leaned over to Remus and kissed him on the mouth, for just a matter of seconds, a light pressure of the lips, and the he pushed you away, eyes wide and breathing harshly. “What are you _doing?_ ”, these were the only words that came out of his mouth, coming along with his hands that pushed you away, a bit more forcefully than necessary, and then he left. Remus, beautiful, burning Remus, nearly fled, left the room, the door slamming shut behind him, the boy too much in haste to care about his sleeping friends.

He left you and you just sat there, lips halfway open and eyes burning. And then, your wings gave out and you started to cry.

_His arms are flailing wild, as he tries to save himself, to save himself from the crash on the hard, sharp rocks below, but it’s futile, the last remains of his nearly burnt wings already reach the rocks and his body lands with a loud thump, his spine cracking, his wings now little more than a pile of ash near his head. Icarus is broken, all of him but his eyes is broken, his grey eyes, staring blindly at the sky and the sun in it, up so high.  
His eyes don’t see any more but he remembers. He remembers the beauty of the fall, the pain that came with it. He remembers how it felt to fly; he remembers the landscapes rushing by as he tumbled down, the moments spent in agony. And he remembers the sun. The burning, beautiful sun that he loved so much. The sun that burned his wings._

 __

Icarus fell.

 __

vi  
Remus doesn’t look at you the next day. He doesn’t touch you; he doesn’t acknowledge your presence.  
The sun is in his hair, making it glow golden, it looks as if it is on flames. The other boy is beautiful and it hurts you to even look at him. But you can’t tear your eyes away. No matter how much it hurts, there is beauty in it.  
You love him.  
You realise that, and this time, you don’t fall. How could you? You’re already on the floor, crashed on the harsh, hard rocks of reality. Your wings are already broken, just like your heart is cracked.  
You finally stopped falling. But now all you want is so desperately to start it once, only once more, if only to experience the high of it all again.

_Icarus’ wings had burned to ash for he had gotten too close to the sun. He had fallen, his once beautiful, white wings, made out of hope and dreams reduced to ash, useless. He had landed on the hard, sharp rocks, and all the destroyed boy with the broken wings could think of was the beauty he had come so close to – the sun, his one and only goal, the one thing he loved with all of his heart. The thing that had destroyed him in the end._

 __

 _Icarus’ tale is one filled with hope, dreams, disappointment and despair. The beautiful boy flew too high and fell too low. And now his wings are burned and his heart will remain cracked._

 __


End file.
